I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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