i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i drank out of a bidet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
