a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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