Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
