I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
