Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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