Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
