This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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