I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
