dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
