Christians are straight up FREAKS
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
