So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
