There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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