i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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