I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My ass is underappreciated
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
