All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
