the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
