I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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