Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
