i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
