college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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