Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
please come you make the beer taste better
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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