the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
