we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
