party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
