Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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