I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
