Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
