Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
