she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
