we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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