Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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