oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
