my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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