Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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