So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
