If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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