literally had 100 drinks last night.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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