then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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