Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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