I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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