i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
