I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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