I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
