after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
