i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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