My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She even gives head with a lisp.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
