Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
