At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
