You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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